Boundaries

One of the things that kept me in chaos over the last few years was boundaries. Specifically, I had none. Part of recovery is setting boundaries.

Over the last week or so, I've been quietly constructing some small boundaries around parts of my life. These boundaries are helpful to keep me focused on things that are important and not get sidetracked. I will give an example of one small, but important, boundary for me: email.

I get a lot of email. Lots of it is from mailing lists, etc. Well, over the last few months, I let it pile up (wonder why that happened?). About two weeks ago, I had over 1700 unread emails in my account. So I set up a goal: I would clear out 100 unread emails a day until I got things under control. 100 might sound like a lot, but, like I said, a lot are stuff I don't read, so I just delete those.

So far, I've been successful with this goal, but only because, I think, I put some boundaries around it. These are the boundaries:
I will not clear out emails except during dedicated email time during work hours.
I will not clear out emails on weekends
I will not clear out more than 100 emails a day.

Each of those small boundaries is a way for me to say "no" to something. Which is important, because saying no there means I can say "yes" to something else that is important, like free time, my music, my online friends, other stuff I need to do for work, etc.

And, by maintaining those boundaries day by day, I am building up my "boundriceps" through practice. The goal is that when a big boundary needs to be established, I will be better equipped to do so because I've been training with smaller ones.

Ultimately, our whole life is an exercise in boundary-setting. The whole world is crying out for your attention, and if you don't set boundaries, the world will take as much as you can give - and then some. I'm just now learning how to set those boundaries effectively.

(a side note: I planned to have this post finished yesterday, but wasn't able to get to it. I could have pushed to finish it, but that would have gone beyond a boundary I'd set to not overdo it. So it's finished today, and I don't feel overwhelmed)